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“MOMMMMMMYYYYY!” It doesn’t matter what household you’re in, you most likely will hear this in any home! This will be a 2 part series of parenting advice. The first part is things I will do for my children and you should too.
Of course, it feels like I do everything for my children as it is.
“Mommy, can you open this please?”
“Mommy, can you play with me?”
“Will you read a book?”
“Can I have BLANK for lunch?”
“Will you get me a snack?”
As I thought about everything I do for my children, there are some things, I don’t do, and will not do for my children. But read about the things I won’t do for my children, and you shouldn’t either, in part 2!
In my 6 years of college, I read a lot of books, especially parenting books. The book that is my all time favorite is from 1964 (It’s been reprinted since) and I still have it and reference back to it.
Here is the book “Children the Challenge” by Rudolf Dreikurs. Of course, when I was reading the book for one of my classes, I didn’t have kids yet, but the information stuck with me. Once I had kids, his book became my parenting handbook!
There’s so much information in this book, and I will touch on some of the points made with the 5 things I will do for my children and you should too!
5 things I will do for my children and why it is important that you do these same things for your children.
This is probably the most difficult, especially when in a hurry. I think children sense when we’re in a hurry and feel that pressure.
Children are learning. They don’t have the same paths made in their little brains as we do. Imagine this, if adults have freeways as paths in their brain, children have dirt roads that are curvy and not a straight shot.
Children have to take it slower until they form that path in their brain in at least a tarred, straight highway.
Waiting for your child to do a task without pressure to rush, is the best way your child can learn.
Let them take their time zipping up their jacket, or buttoning their shirt, or tying their shoes. It’s worth the extra few minutes. Rather than getting after them for taking too long.
2. Encourage them to try.
Encouragement is more important than any other aspect of child-raising. It is so important that the lack of it can be considered the basic cause for misbehavior. A misbehaving child is a discouraged child.~Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs, Children the Challenge
Encouraging your child is incredibly important. 7 years ago, I read the encouragement chapter of Children the Challenge and it stuck with me. Think about if you’ve ever said, “No, you’re too little, let me do it” to your child. I know I have! Instead of allowing our children to explore their strengths, we limit them by saying “Your too BLANK, let me do it.”
Overprotecting our children isn’t encouraging. It’s discouraging them to try and test their strengths. There’s so much to say about encouraging our children but I’ll leave it with this, “…one cannot build on weakness–only on strength.”
3. Talk with my children rather than to them.
Currently, my son wants all of our attention. Whenever we’re on the phone with Grandma and Grandpa and we turn the phone to his sister, he jumps in the view of the camera and wants the attention back on him.
This is one instance we need to talk with him, rather than to him about how he’s feeling instead of telling him why he can’t do that and it’s not okay. It might surprise you how much your child can verbalize how they are feeling about certain situations.
It might surprise you how much your child can verbalize how they are feeling about certain situations.
One thing I’ve learned about behavior when working with elementary and high school children with social and emotional disorders is that if we explain why we stop them from doing something because it’s unsafe, they understand.
My son leaves the baby gate open all the time. I sat down and explained to him what could happen if the gate was open and our daughter crawled through and how important it was for safety. Our discussion about the baby gate grew into a discussion about safety all around. We talked with each other rather than having me be the only one talking to him.
4. Teach them about life.
This goes along with the previous point. My husband and I have had numerous discussions with our son about people and strangers; that there are people who do bad things, but there are way more people doing good things. We’ve hit on the stranger danger, what to do in certain situations, but we’ve also gone into situations that may occur in school (he hasn’t even began kindergarten yet).
We’ve hit on the stranger danger, what to do in certain situations, but we’ve also gone into situations that may occur in school (he hasn’t even begun kindergarten yet).
The younger we start talking with our kids about life situations, the more they’ll develop the morals we’re looking for in our children.
We’ve discussed situations on the playground with friends. We’ve discussed that he is expected to be nice to everyone, but he doesn’t have to be friends with everyone. He has also learned what to do in situations when someone else is being mean to someone, and what he should do.
5. Let them fail.
It’s so easy to always want to rescue our children. I never want to see my child fail. But failure is the best way to learn.
I’ve been watching my daughter “fail” multiple times with learning how to walk. She pulls herself up, then tumbles down. I can’t be there to catch every fall or stabilize her with every step. She needs to learn from her body and her sense of balance. She can’t have the crutch or she won’t read her own body.
My son is working through a different part of his life. He’s learning how to fail in school work. Now before you jump on me about failing in school, he’s 4 and not in grade school yet. Everything has always come very easily for him. He was an early sitter, crawler, walker, talker. He knew his ABCs at 2 and how to count to 10. He’s 4 and is working on multiplication.
I’m afraid when he gets to something that doesn’t come easily, he’ll clam up and think he’s a failure by not understanding how to do it immediately. We’re working on challenging him, but realizing he can get it wrong.
Make failure a positive accomplishment and encourage our children to learn from the failure for next time. With our guidance, they will succeed.
Of course, there is so much more that you do for your children than those 5 things I listed, but I feel, these are the most important things you could do for your children. If you do these 5 things, your children will be set on the right path for success in life. If you want to read the book that I use for guidance, grab it here. I could not recommend this book more!
What about you? Are there any other things you will do for your children? Also, don’t miss part 2! Sign up for our newsletter to ensure you don’t miss anything new to the blog.